Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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