i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
