my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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