How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
vagina is talking i cant
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
