And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
