got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
