I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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