Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
