I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
