I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
