so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
