i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
