so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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