Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
being pregnant is like rehab
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize