she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
