I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
