are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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