And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
