guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
