i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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