I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
