The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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