I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
