Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
