Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
