There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
