I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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