I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
