Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
