my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
