wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
