We won't sleep together?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
