So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
