Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
