i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
