the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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