I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
