I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
