wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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