So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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