you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
