I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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