Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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