the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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