I just threw up on my dentist
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
