Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Congratulations! We have a period
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
