K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
