I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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