how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
