Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
