Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I love you. Go after that dick
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
