I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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