Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
how does that bad decision feel?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
