This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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