so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
