Non-Jews are for practice
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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