WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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