dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
