..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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