hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
