I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
