just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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