hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
