new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
