awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My pussy is not your playground.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
