Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
