we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
