Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
