i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i dont even know how to be here
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
