it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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