3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
