I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I faked an abortion last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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