dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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