He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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