I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
